Peace

Something is wrong in my head and I don't know what it is.

First week of uni took so much out of me. Trying to figure how everything works, trying to make new friends (epic failure), trying to get myself used to the hustle and bustle of all things university. Speaking of which, I ended up going into a wrong class which didn't make myself feel any how better about uni. By the end of the week I had been so exhausted and all I could think of was the assignment that was due week 3 ( tomorrow that is, in today's terms), and how I am actually going to cope with all that.

At night, I fail to fall asleep. I would toss and turn. Change positions every 30 seconds. I would count backwards from 300, then start all over again. I prayed and prayed to God to give me the rest I need, till finally, I fall asleep. But not for long and when dawn creeps in, I awake again.

Just this afternoon, I submitted my assignment. I thought I would have felt a burden lifted away but I don't know why everything just remains the same. No skipping down the streets, no jumping around throwing confetti. I find myself stumbling on various sites on the internet, walking up and about in the house. It is as if I cannot find peace.

I am sincerely grateful though that my parents came at the right time. Their visit was not a planned one and it was indeed a very nice feeling to be one family on the morning of my birthday. I am also thankful that during that time, there was choir practice every other day of the week and hence, I did not go insane as I usually would.

But right now, I wish someone would just rip my heart out, and leave me here to bleed. And if my feelings could be measured by tears, I would be a full bottle but with a cap sealed on too tight.

Maybe it's not my head with the problem, it is my heart.

So today, I pray to God that may you grant me peace. Peace that I may surrender my burdens unto You. Peace that can put my worries away. Peace that I may sleep well every night. Peace Lord, that can mend my broken heart.